Yes, you read that right. Stop inviting people to church. I know your pastor says to do it, and I know it seems like the good Christian thing to do– but stop it. I really mean it.
Some time ago I was sitting in church listening to a preacher say how important it is to invite your friends, family, and co-workers to church. You should be inviting people every week, but you should work especially hard to get them into church on Easter! That way, they can hear the gospel and accept Jesus as their Lord and their lives will be changed, right?
So how many times has that worked out for you? Probably a lot less than you would have hoped. I think I’ve discovered why.
[This is part of a series titled Things I Couldn't Say When I Worked For The Church. You can view the rest of the posts in the series here.]
We’ve gotten lazy. The “come to church with me” mentality has become a crutch. A crutch that allows us to sit back and depend on the preacher’s sermon to show the people we care about who Jesus is. Believe it or not, that’s not what Jesus and his disciples modeled. But it has become the model that our Christian culture has adopted, and guess what; it just doesn’t work anymore.
Here’s what happens– you invite your friend to church with you ever single week. You practically plead with them– heck you even offer to buy them lunch afterwards. So what happens then? Your friend comes, as a favor to you. They stand out of respect during praise and worship, a good start. Then the pastor gets up to preach. It’s go time! Unfortunately, this is the one week that your pastor is preaching that really uncomfortable message that you wouldn’t want your friend to hear just yet.
You were hoping it would be a “Gospel week” where your pastor gives a killer presentation and your guest is “cut to the heart” like in Acts 2:37, and realizes they need Jesus. You are hoping that it will be so powerful that your friend leaps out of their seat during the altar call and heads straight for the baptismal! But it doesn’t happen. You’re disappointed. They don’t come back to church with you again.
If we continue to rely on our pastors to share the gospel with our friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers, we will never see the real fruit of being a disciple.
I think one of the most powerful talks that has stuck with me was at a Catalyst conference back in 2009. Erwin McManus talked about the different “spaces” that we all have. The first space is our comfort space. The place we live and thrive, and where people are like us– the place that is most comfortable. This can be our home, our church, or anywhere everybody knows our name (no, I’m not talking about the TV show Cheers). This is a place where relationships are close and long established. Then there is the second space– a common ground that you share with others. This could be a work environment, school, or public area. It is a place where people are mutually out interacting, but not as intimate as the first space. Then there’s the third space, a space where you are a foreigner. It’s a place that is the first space to someone else and is unfamiliar ground to you.
When you invite an “unchurched” friend to visit your church, you’re inviting them to an unfamiliar place. You’re inviting them into a third space. You’re asking them to come out of their comfort zone into a place that is foreign and unknown (or unfamiliar and seen as hostile). You’re telling them, “You need to leave your space to come to mine.”
This isn’t what Paul did. In Acts 17:16 we see Paul in Athens. He was so disturbed by the rampant idolatry that “his spirit was provoked within him”. So he went to the synagoge (his first space) and reasoned with them. Then day after day he went to the market place (second space) and reasoned with anyone and everyone he could. Most people thought he was just a crazy babbler– but he kept at it. Eventually, he made such an impression that a group of philosophers invited him to come to their first space (Paul’s third space) where he was able to go as a foreigner and share the Gospel.
So he reasoned in the synagogue with the Jews and the devout persons, and in the marketplace every day with those who happened to be there. Some of the Epicurean and Stoic philosophers also conversed with him. And some said, “What does this babbler wish to say?” Others said, “He seems to be a preacher of foreign divinities”—because he was preaching Jesus and the resurrection. And they took him and brought him to the Areopagus, saying, “May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? For you bring some strange things to our ears. We wish to know therefore what these things mean.” Now all the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there would spend their time in nothing except telling or hearing something new. -Acts 17:17-21
Paul didn’t have to drag people out of their spaces, he met people where they were. Jesus did the same, and he continues to meet and love people where they are. Most of Jesus’ work was not done inside the walls of the synagoge, but in the streets, the marketplaces, and homes of others.
Let’s make it a point to love people where they are. Let’s resolve that it’s not the pastor’s job to share the gospel with our friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers. Let’s become so good at making an impact on the second space that people invite us into the third space where we might reach even more. Let’s stop inviting people to church, and start inviting people to a relationship where they are.
There will certainly be some pastors who disagree with me on this– it threatens their Sunday morning numbers. But that’s a whole different can of worms for another day.
Are you willing to stop inviting people to church and start loving people in the second space? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
You’re getting a retweet from me, dude, I really liked this post. For real dawg. Have a nice day.
Thanks Ricky!
yesterday while displaying my repurposed items at a flee market, one item sponed this comment, “you are a little bit vain aren’t you? It was a beautiful oval beveled glass mirror with an eyecatching jeweled flower embelishment attached to the edge and sat on a cast iron stand. On the back was a fortune cookie that said “The love of your life is right in front of your eyes.” I explained that the reflection in that mirror was not the physical image but rather the soul I have come to love so much. God gave me the ability to love everything and everyone the friday afternoon when he made the greatest sacrifice of all. My wish for all mankind is to love who they see in the mirror. Then each sunday you can go to church to hear the greatest story ever told. It takes a lifetime to know and your church day will be the most exciting event of every week. thanks Dustin for giving me this opportunity. luv to you all. Aunt Janice
Thanks for the story Janice!
To answer your question…No. I’d like to do both. I believe there are those who you need to go to and there are those you need to bring. Whether they return or not I believe that there are those who God is calling us to invite, HOWEVER, you still have to be displaying Christ throughout the process, or you are just expecting the Pastor to share the message. Also, if your life does not represent Christ, what a way to be proven a hypocrite…to have them hear how you should be acting when they know how you really are?
I don’t disagree with you David. My point is to not use Sunday morning as a crutch to sharing the Gospel– to not think that a church building is the only place where people will come to a saving knowledge of Jesus.
Dude, you’re hitting these topics right on the head. And knocking them out.
I’ve often felt that the church walls have been much too small. We’re scared to step out and do the real work. Throwing it instead at the feet of our pastors.
I’m glad you understand Joe! Thanks for the encouragement!
I totally agree. Dustin, you are spot on. Before you ever invite anyone to church you should invite them to dinner in your home. This weekend my wife and I are hosting a block party movie night where we invited all the families on our block to meet us at the end of the street for a lawn chair movie night. We got the projector and asked the neighbors to help. There is nothing like rallying families around summer fun. This way we get to deep relationships and connect families that don’t know Christ with families that do. We must BE the church in the context where the unchurched live.
Amen! That’s what I’m talking about! Thanks for being an excellent example Byron!
Dude, this is perfect. You have a new follower for your site
Thanks Mark! Glad to hear it!
I worked with a pastor who thought Sunday morning worship service as more of a place for believer’s to be encouraged and worship God. There were other events to invite friends to and encouragement to build relationships. You are right, it’s not just the pastors job to share the gospel. I think we also need to listen to the Holy Spirit for wisdom of when to invite others. If people are out there doing what they are supposed to be doing and there aren’t the numbers on Sunday pastors should be happy. I hear ya on the numbers thing. And it’s no always just the focus of the pastor. The pressure comes from the congregation too. Definitely a whole other topic.
Thanks for sharing Erin! I agree with you– the Holy Spirit can and does use faithful believers to invite people to a worship service in order to share a life-giving message to them. Those who use Sunday morning as a crutch so they don’t have to speak truth are resisting the Spirit’s attempts to use them.
More on the numbers discussion later…
Thought-provoking post! I agree on the fact that when we invite our “unchurched” friends to church, they are coming out of their comfort zone and into ours.
It can be awkward…
Although I believe that we should invite our “unchurched” friends to church, we have to be the ones to show God’s love…not the pastor only. When we simply invite and have no follow-up or anything, it is not a good representation of Christ’s love.
Great post, man!
Thanks Brandon!
Brilliant article. Most Christians are not taught how to minister to others. The Church seems to be barren and unfruitful because of lack of intimacy with the bridegroom. A bribe cannot be pregnant and bear children except that bribe becomes intimate with the bridegroom. I pray that the church of Jesus Christ – (me and you) will become intimate with Him so we can get pregnant with souls and actually deliver babies and nurture them to become mature citizens of the kingdom of God.
Thanks for your feedback Benson!
Thanks Dustin. Bride not bribe….
Truth!
Holy crap that was good Dustin! And I’m not being sarcastic.
I agree, we aren’t meeting people where they are. It’s 1 of the reasons I don’t care much for the church institution. You pose a challenge. How do you have this conversation with your pastor? I happen to be good friends with a couple of my pastors and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t appreciate me being an advocate for not inviting people to church.
I am planting my first church, and just last week one of our Core/Launch Team Members commented, “I keep inviting people to bible study, but they just won’t show up”. This post has really opened my eyes to WHY? Thanks for sharing this insight with us. It’s time for us to stop GOING TO CHURCH, and start BEING THE CHURCH!!!
Amen! As a church planter (now praying about my second church plant) this is even not important.
Awesome!!! We really need to go out and meet people in their second space where they are most comfortable! So that the light and love of Christ will spread.
Totally agree! Thanks for commenting Toby!
I totally agree with this article!!!!!! 100%
Thanks Jennifer!
Wishing I could share this with our pastor and his “save our church” committee.
I know how you feel. Tell me that there is not actually a committee with that title.
Hi Dustin,
This is a great post and I would take it even further and say that living in alignment with Holy Spirit, no matter what your spiritual beliefs, will not just make you an example for others, it will deepen your own bond with God, which is what it’s ultimately about. Still it’s hard for many people not to prosthelytize, because it brings a sense of self validation at the expense of the other. Where does the law of non-interference come into play? Someone once wrote, My freedom stops where yours begins.” There are different spiritual teachings to match the different levels of consciousness. Thanks for your post and I am glad that people are reacting! Here’s another view I also appreciate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQab6oHWgrY
Thanks for adding to the conversation Patti!
I think there’s room for both. Some families with small children are seeking someplace to settle and attend as part of God’s family. Welcoming parishes or religious communities need to make themselves be known. That does not exempt one from living God’s message in our daily lives. There is room and need for both.
Agreed Barb. The point was not to make “come to my church” a crutch for actually living and sharing the Gospel.
Dustin, I am glad you shared this post again! You are dead on the money with the message.
I love McManus’ three spaces. I also just spent some time studying the passage about Paul in the marketplace and Areopagus. I locked in on the phrase, “in the marketplace every day” because that is my passion!
For the reasons you mentioned in the article, I believe there is a large percentage of the population that will never set foot in a church. Are we to simply ignore them? NO! We go to where they are!
My family’s business (auto dealership) and my blog focus on trying to integrate our faith into the marketplace. We try to use the business as a platform for ministry – reaching those people right where they are. Eventually, they may be interested enough to check out a church, but that is not where we start.
Right now, I am doing a couple of posts on how we are missionaries just as much as the folks going to foreign countries. I want people to change their perspective to see that we are ALL called to go and make disciples…even if the “go” just means going to the marketplace!
I am going to share a link to this article in my blog because I loved your approach! I hope that is okay with you. Thanks again for sharing it again. I missed it the first time!
Thanks for commenting Chris! I think the world needs more people like you who have decided to, like Paul, go into the marketplace everyday. Keep spreading those seeds brother!
And I definitely appreciate you referencing my post– I’ll be checking out yours the first chance I get!
Brilliant article. loved it – Jesus told us to ‘go’ into all the world…I dont Know many people who would want to go to Church, they can’t relate to a lot of it…so you are right,
Thanks Marianne!
Sounds good. The thing I’m most curious about is what does all this look like for you tomorrow? Briefly, what does your church look like? Is it “come and see” or “go and be”? Are you suffering conflict currently by not having your actual life match what you consider to be missional or church growth best practices? One thing to know, another to do.
Yes, it is one thing to know, and another to do. That is the point– to do. To live a life that demands an explanation.
As a Pastor I really appreciate the fact that you point out that we invite them to a relationship with Jesus. Thanks for the insight!
Nice argument. Excellent description. The irony is sublime. It reads as legitimate opposition to the policy of inviting people to church every week. My pastor had defined evangelism as an open invitation. Be ready to welcome people when they come to church to visit. Yes. Jesus and Paul met people where they are. That is a good example to follow. They also showed respect for the complexity of society.
You certainly made several important points but what stands out, is evangelism!!!! that whats needed. We all should be desciples and also not negleting the gathering of the saints.
An excellent article!
Thanks for writing this article, Dustin! I agree with you that church should begin with us, Christians, being a witness while at the same time maintaining the balance of seizing every opportunity to share the gospel!
I have few questions here, how can you share the gospel with your workmates or friends that you made in public places such as in gym, public transports, etc? I have tried a lot of things to share the gospel with them as well as to be a witness of Christ to them, I have even gone to door-to-door knocking with the purpose of reaching more souls for Christ, yet so far I have never seen any result in terms of people responding to my invitation or showing further interest in Christianity.
Is there a way that you might be able to share with me on how to make people interested in christianity?
also do you know how to be more effective in outreaching to lost souls such as doing door-to-door knocking or such?
At the end of the day you have to remember one important thing– our goal is not to convince or convert people to become Christians. Only God can call people to himself. Our only job is to look as much like Jesus as possible.
We may never see the fruit of our work, but we have to trust that God is going to take care of the seeds we have planted.
Love it! I’m so linking this on my blog. I’m so glad that people are coming out to this unbiblical and pragmatic practice. We need real sanctuaries filled with redeemed people. I started to rethink this when I heard Paul Washer’s sermon “10 Indictments to the Modern Church”. What a eye opener that was!
Thanks for adding to the conversation Denise! Where can I find your blog?
I’m a busy homeschooling mom, so I don’t have near as much time to spend on it, so it is just random posts. It’s Mustardseedish.blogspot.com. Thank you!
Awesome Denise!
You sound like you had a huge fall out with your last church and hate your pastor. Forgive him bro.
Wow… not sure how you came to that conclusion. Not the case at all.