“If anyone is in Christ he is a new creation.” Easy to believe for everyone else. Difficult to believe for yourself. There have been countless times I have told people that they shouldn’t let their past rule over them because they are new creations in Christ and they are free. I totally believed it for them and wanted them to believe it for themselves.
There have also been countless times that I have unknowingly made decisions or thought certain things about myself that were driven by my past. Ultimately, I wasn’t forgiving myself. It’s easier to forgive others than ourselves. So weird huh?
A few years ago I was in somewhat of a rut. I was going to church and serving, but started to give in to some of my old ways. Needless to say, when you give the devil a millimeter you realize he’s already taken you a mile. You tippy toe that line and he grabs you by the arm and yanks you in. I thought to myself, “How could I have done this again? I should know better. I’m such a disgrace, I don’t deserve to live.”
I wasn’t running to God. I was running away from him and his plan for my life. I wanted to go to him but I was letting all my junk get in the way and keep me in bondage. The Lord had put a man in my life and I turned him away because he wasn’t “my type”. What I didn’t realize was that I actually thought I wasn’t good enough for him because I was damaged goods.
Long story short, I had to leave my job and move back in with my mom. It was a desert place for sure. But that was where God wanted me so that he could do a work in me.
One night I was entertaining the idea of getting together with the man God was trying to put in my life when I just lost it. I remember going to my mom’s room and just balling. She consoled me and asked me what was wrong. I told her that I didn’t think I deserved someone like this guy because he was so good and I was just different. She then told me the one thing I needed to hear:
“Are you saying that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross wasn’t good enough for you?”
Sit on that for a second.
She continued, “You are redeemed by the blood of Jesus and all your sins are washed away!” She made me see how prideful I was. I was saying that Jesus sacrifice wasn’t enough. I wasn’t letting the grace of God allow me to forgive myself. When she said this I sobered up quick! I wiped my tears and thanked her for loving me and being straight with me. Right then I went to my room and thanked Jesus for his sacrifice for me and I moved on from the past.
So, in a nutshell, I believed that I am a new creation in Christ. I married that “guy” and now we have a beautiful baby boy! It’s so weird how you are blind to all the goodness God is trying to reveal to you when you let yourself get in the way. When you say “I’m not good enough” or “I’m too damaged to deserve anything good,” that is a lie from the pit of hell.
You are good enough and by God’s grace you do deserve something good. His name is Jesus and he came to earth to die for your sins. I think you’re pretty important to him. So remember Jesus’ sacrifice is enough and if you accept him as your Lord and Savior you are redeemed by his blood and all, all of your sins are washed away!
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” – 1 Corinthians 5:17
Have you ever felt like you had to hold on to your sin because you couldn’t forgive yourself? You can leave a comment by clicking here.