In America the number of teenagers who fall away from Christianity when they go off to college is astronomical. As soon as they leave home to pursue their college education, they leave God behind. Why is this? In my time as a youth pastor, I think I discovered one of the primary reasons.
Pam is a single mom who loves her two boys, David and Joshua. She does her best to raise them in a godly way and give them a better upbringing than she had. She’s worked hard to teach them to do well in school so that they have a better chance at college– a chance she never had. She takes them to church every Sunday and has them involved in the High School Youth ministry on Wednesday nights.
[This is part of a series titled Things I Couldn't Say When I Worked For The Church. You can view the rest of the posts in the series here.]
Every so often, the boys will have too much homework and will have to miss out on youth group. Pam’s dedication to making sure her boys get the best chance at success in life. keeps them home from youth group in order to get the homework done. “School work comes first,” is what she tells them. “If you don’t have your homework done, you can’t go to youth group.”
If you’re a youth pastor, you’ve undoubtedly heard this before. If you’re a parent of teenagers, you’ve undoubtedly said this before– or something similar. But have you taken the time to think about what that really communicates? Have you considered the reason for thinking this way? As a youth pastor, it hit me one day:
For most parents, youth group isn’t as important as their childs academic education. They either don’t believe that their youth group is a part of their child’s spiritual formation, or they believe their spiritual formation isn’t as important as their academic education. Either way, they communicate that pursuing God isn’t as important as pursuing academics.
Let me give you another illustration before you write me off as an obsessive, overly religious nazi.
Let’s say David has a huge Physics project due on Thursday, and he only has Wednesday to work on it. Unfortunately on Wednesday he has Algebra and wont have time to work on his project. Would Pam keep her son from going to Algebra to complete his Physics project? Probably not. Would she keep her sons from any other class, in order to work on another class? Would she keep them from a History final to prep for their English final?
I hope you are starting to see where I’m going here. The fact is, no parent would keep their student from one important class in order to complete something for another class. However, missing a youth group meeting is as easy a decision as telling them they can’t go see the new Avengers movie because they haven’t finished their chores.
By making Academic Education a priority over Spiritual Education we inadvertently communicate that God isn’t as important. We’ve put Academics as a higher priority than spiritual pursuits. This is idolatry. And it’s one of the reasons I believe that so many college students put God on the back-burner the minute they start their Freshman year.
The average student is in school for 35 hours per week. The average youth group is 2 hours per week– 3 hours if you count Sunday morning. That equals out to 1,400 hours of school time (not including homework time) per year, and an average of 156 hours (going all year long) of church education time. Let me put that side-by-side for you:
- 1,400 hours per year in school
- 156 hours per year in church
So I’ll ask it again– why do you think students leave God behind when they go off to college?
If anything, I want to raise my son in such a way that communicates that the most important education he gets is one that means something in eternity. I want my son to know that his spiritual education is the education that matters most. I want him to understand that knowing God intimately is more important than all the knowledge and degrees that the world offers. Because all the academic education in the world will mean nothing when we are face to face with our creator.
Don’t get me wrong– I will raise my son to be diligent in his school studies. I believe education is important and valuable. I would never discourage academic pursuit. I understand that having a strong academic foundation gives a better chance at success in life. But I would much rather my son be successful in eternity. So I will teach him that his spiritual formation is more important than his academic career.
Some may disagree with my thoughts on this (and have already), which is why this is one of the things I couldn’t talk about while I worked for the church. It may have discouraged people from coming to church (or my youth group) and thereby hurt our church’s growth… numbers. And those are 2 different posts that I will tackle next week. 
So what do you think? Am I crazy? Am I taking it too far? Or has our culture idolized Academics and put faithful pursuit of God on the back-burner? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
I want to say that a well-rounded education is important.
Academic, biblical, physical, nutritional, interpersonal, etc… are types of education one might strive for.
So since your son is not in college yet, let’s safely ask some rhetorical questions…
What if your son is entering his second year in college and suddenly takes an opportunity to travel abroad on missionary work with his new friends and mentor? What if says he’s going to take a hiatus from college for a year to pursue a God-given calling? Do you give him your blessing? Do you have faith that he will become a successful citizen if he ends up never finishing college?
And when you say teenagers fall away from Christianity, do you mean they simply stop attending church? Do you mean they party hard and get involved in drugs and promiscuity? Do you mean they denounce Christ altogether and become atheist?
I want to say I agree 100%!
And even though you asked the questions rhetorically, I’m going to answer because they are great questions!
If Judah decided to travel abroad to do missionary work, I’d be exstatic!
If he decided to take a hiatus for a year to pursue a God-given he would not only have my blessing, he would have my backing. I’d do everything I could to help him succeed.
Do I have faith that he will become a successful citizen if he never finishes college– undoubtedly. 3 reasons:
1. My wife has a Masters Degree in communications and hasn’t found a job in the 5 years since she received it. (Given she hasn’t been looking for the past year and a half.)
2. I don’t have a college degree in anything that contributes to my income.
3. God’s plan for one’s life isn’t limited to their Educational status.
To answer your not-so-rhetorical questions: All of the above. I’ve seen friends and family fall away in many different degrees. Whether it’s as simple as never picking up their Bible, or denouncing all forms of religion and subscribing to the Richard Dawkins Fanclub Newsletter. The one consistant is that God ceased to be the LORD (meaning the highest and most important authority) in their lives.
My friend was a youthworker at our local church for a long time (in England). She had to do a dissertation for her youthwork course and chose to do it on Peer pressure amongst the kids. She was originally planning to look at the pressures with relationships, thinking that was the strongest pressure, but changes to looking at Academic pressure as that was what all the students talked about.
She found that their schools, parents and peers were all screaming the same message of get good Grades, go to a good University, get a good job, live a good life (oh and while your at it follow Jesus and try not to sin). It doesn’t really sound like “Seek first the kingdom of heaven” to me!
I think education is important as well but as my old pastor said “I always asked my son ‘have you done your homework’ but Jesus challenged me. How often do you ask him ‘have you read your bible/prayed/tithed/etc today?”
Thanks for your input Chris. That is a powerful truth… I will have to remember that!
That last comment got posted early…?
I agree on the fact that many college students are falling away. I have known many people in my youth group to totally turn away as soon as they get to college. To be honest with you, I think that it is a problem that is developed over time. These people who fall away in college are probably never really interested in serving Jesus to begin with…or at least it’s not a top priority.
I believe that many who neglect God when they move into college did godly services because of parental influence, peer-pressure, etc. These are just some things that I have noticed.
If someone really loves God and does things to please Him, they will not fall away in the transition from high school to college.
Just my thoughts.
Great thoughts Brandon. There are a multitude of reasons why people walk away from Jesus. Each person’s motivations are usually a combination of things. The enemy has many tactics, and he’s constantly refining them.
The most important thing we can do is love God, and love people– in that order. Be the example, and be bold.
I’ve often wondered along the same lines. We often see numbers drop during the sports season. I wonder if sports become the idol. And we can see it continue into adulthood where the NFL season starts to cut into church attendance.
I’m sure your youth group was very biblical but some aren’t. I noticing young adults have not be taught good theology/biblical messages. Things of the world are getting mixed in too much. It’s not only the churches job to teach youth but the parents. You have the right attitude Dustin. Every Christian parent should follow Deut. 6 in teaching their children the ways of Jesus. It’s the easiest when you start them young. It was a priority then. The problem is a lot of parents didn’t have an example of this growing up so they need to learn to do it themselves and need guidance. That’s where people in the church can help. This is what we found when I was doing children’s ministry before heading back to school.
Very true Erin. I’ve worked with a lot of parents who just didn’t have the right example or impression of what teenage discipleship was, and would never have know because they didn’t take the time to invest in what their students were (or weren’t) learning. The bible makes it clear that it’s the parents job, more than anyone else, to raise their child in godliness– not the church. It’s our job to come alongside the parents as a reinforcement, not a substitution.
Have you ever read Parenting Beyond Your Capacity?
I haven’t read Parenting Beyond Your Capacity yet, but I have it in my pile of books to read. I heard Carey Nieuwhof at 2 different conferences. Also the “Faith at Home” books by Mark Holmen are good too.
Really it is getting parents back to the basics and helping them bring their children up with a focus on Christ. I use to focus so much on just the children… I’ve learned over the years to focus on the parents too… oh and the leaders! There is more to it than just the kids/youth.
True true!
I live in Northern Virginia/Washington D.C. area. You are spot on!! Everyone in this area worships the god of education and academics. I’ve been saying it for years.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who picked up on it! When did you first notice it?
I totally agree with what you’re saying in this post.
People put a lot of things before “going to church” because they feel they are more important.
Even work, I don’t think you should put work before your going to church, I think majority of people that work on Sunday or whenever their desired church service is on have very much the ability to ask their boss to roster them off on that day – but they don’t ask.
I wouldn’t even list that as an available time on my resume – but most church going people I know (or knew) always did.
Very true Kane! Though, going to church isn’t the goal– making God the priority is. Some people can go to church and never grow closer to God, while another person is unable to attend, yet spends an hour at home reading their Bible and praying, getting much more out of it than the other person got from attending church.
It comes down to priorities.
My college experience went against the flow. I returned to the church while in school. There were consequences. I am still sorting through the opposition to faith.
Statistics indicate that there is a consensus in the professional world against belief in God. Faith is for kids and old people. It for those who are young and naive or old and about to die. It is for the weak in society.
Evolutionary theory is the creed of choice for “professionals.” It promotes the survival of the fittest where the fittest are strong enough to replace God with natural selection. The strong simplify reality by making it about “number one.” The complications of community and democracy are cast aside to favor industrial individualism; code for dictatorship.
Plato becomes the philosopher of choice because he simplified the world of politics to the destructiveness of the elements. Politics is for the elite. The elite are there to pick a suitable war.
Socially, the consensus of agreement against faith in God translates as an opposition to the majority religion. Even atheists quote scriptures from other religions to show their spirituality.
Intelligent design is not the crackpot theory that it is made out to be. It presumes the existence of a Creator whereas atheist theory rejects said assumption. Atheists believe that randomness rules. They are existentialists without the Maker of existence. When all has been said and done, their satirical characterization of intelligent design simply argues against establishment of religion by the state.
I am for freedom of religion. I am against “establishment.” This view however requires that the viewer take a step back to look at politics from the perspective of liberty. If I were a christian in a predominantly non-christian society, I would want legal recognition of my right to believe in God as Jesus teaches me to believe. I can easily imagine that muslims, jews and other non-christians desire the same rights to their faith.
National politics since 9/11 has been pushed in the direction of establishment. The body politic has been opposed to the recognition of liberty in natural design to favor opposition to Islam. Opposition to Islam has pressed Congress into the National Defense Authorization Act. This act include two articles that violate human rights: “targeted killing” and “indefinite detention.” Both articles presume guilt by virtue of association with muslim identity. If a muslim expresses anger at the policies promoted by the western coalition, mainly the US and Israel, he is regarded as a militant; someone subject to indefinite detention or targeted killing. When this policy is taken one step further, the muslim doesn’t even have to express anger against western policies, he is simply guilty by association.
These articles do not recognize the importance of human rights in government representation. They are violations that offend belief in God as the Creator of humankind. Academic idolatry offends freedom of religion in this country. It also promotes intolerance of other religions around the globe.
I think you may have missed something… :/ ???
This is brilliant… thank you for saying it out loud. It’s a problem that goes hand in hand with another problem – that churches, parents and teens position youth group more as an activities club where kids go to be entertained than a place for serious spiritual formation and education. It’s a “safe place” where they can stay out of trouble rather than a place they can encounter the Bible, wrestle with it and be challenged by it. From what I’ve seen, kids want that more than they let on. A lot more.
You are so right Kara! That’s another thing I always struggled with as a Youth Director– getting past that “babysitter” mentality that so many parents had.
Dustin, fantastic article. I have chewed on this and similar issues in my thoughts for some time. I wholeheartedly agree.
Thanks for the affirmation Jacob!
I completely agree that academic idolatry is a real thing and a real issue. However, I don’t think we have to equate attendance at youth group as a sign of spiritual growth. I think our job as youth pastors is to supplement/support what should be the primary source of spiritual growth- parents. We should address this issue by asking parents how they use the pursuit of academic excellence as a greater lesson of faithful obedience in seeking to use the gifts God has given them. How can we help parents compromise with the overbearing burden of homework the schools are pounding on our teens’ shoulders? Can we have a space where kids can work on homework during games/hang out times and have them join for the teaching time? Can we send the devotion for the night home for the family to do together? If it’s a youth group where a lot of preaching goes on rather than group discussion/devotions, start recording messages to pass along. Yes- academic idolatry exists, but I think the reality of schools over assigning homework is real. I know it happens with sports and other activities too- but hey- I’m sure Tim Tebow missed youth group for football from time to time. Yet he used his gifts to then become a great example of living a life of faith. Let’s be sure not to equate attendance with spiritual maturity. Let’s instead find ways to partner with families as they navigate the tricky balance of responsibility instead of idolatry!
You’re right Meg– it is, at it’s core, a matter of partnering with parents. That’s an entirely different issue altogether though! This post was to specifically address the issue of parents valuing academic education over spiritual education. If a parent doesn’t see Youth Group as part of a child’s spiritual formation (a means of growth, not a measure), then a partnership wont work. The Orange method only works when parents have bought in.
We can’t control our kid’s spiritual maturity, we can only nurture it and trust God to grow it.
You totally hit the nail on the head. Even as a Bible teacher in a Christian school parents implied off handedly or to my face that Bible should be an easy class to pass so they do not look at it as a chore and subsequently keep that view when they go to youth group. Not one youth pastor I talked with ever asked me to just pass kids along in my class and often we would communicate about how we could be one the same page. Thank you so much for your insight into this growing problem.
I think you’re right on. I never thought of it that way, but I did the same thing when my daughter was in high school. After all, how many kids want to do homework if there’s a chance they can get out of it by going to (fun) youth group? Mine would do anything to get out of doing homework.
This is a great observation. But I wonder if I might add a little somethin’ somethin’ to the mix.
You have equated spiritual growth with “church” and “Youth group.” Is this maybe another reason people leave? Their group is gone and therefore their anchor to Christianity is gone.
Might it be more helpful for students and youth pastors (and big church pastors) to help students combine these two pursuits? Kids are going to be in school a lot. Nothing you can do about it. But how much effort do we put into spiritual growth in the context of school? Are there ways to grow inside a classroom while they are studying history or algebra? How can they love and serve their classmates?
Maybe spend some time teaching a practical “Theology of Academics.”
I work with college students so I run into this stuff all the time.
It’s important to make the distinction that I didn’t equate going to Youth Group as “spiritual growth”. Rather, I used the term Spiritual Formation.
While you’re right– Theology of Academics should also be taught, I think there is something to be said about setting aside time to focus. Trying to “mix in” Godly teaching has the potential to devalue it. Setting aside dedicated time for learning God’s truths gives it the value and attention it deserves.
Yes, I did not mean “mix in” godly teaching. Gross. That just sounds weird. I think what I meant was that our children should learn an embodied theology that can grow and form in the midst of history class.
God is in our public schools, but our students don’t know how to look for him. God is at work in our public schools, but our students don’t know how to join in.
When youth group, church, or a retreat is the only place one can encounter God, we have a recipe for a disaster in college.
That’s a little more what I meant.
I don’t want to say much, but I learned in my childhood that “time with or for god is no lost time”.
I went to youth group even when I didn’t finish my homework, project etc. No, I wasn’t the best pupil in school, but youth group gave me a firm backbone (and I don’t mean the bony thing in my back).
I say pure faith in god and prayer put me in the position I am now, 10 years later.
I finished my studies and started work directly after graduation as an engineer.
I am sure they did not took me because of my marks.
Blessings and greetings from Hamburg,
Andreas
Thanks for adding your thoughts Andreas! I appreciate you!
A person can walk away from Jesus, but Jesus will never walk away from anyone. A wise man once told me that when people have accepted Jesus as their personal savior, the Lord never forgets the relationship even though we might. Jesus’ love for us is eternal and different from the love exchanged between human beings. Our Father in heaven will always accept us back into his arms, no matter how far we have strayed from the path.
A beautiful comfort Bill. The story of the prodigal son comes to mind. Thanks for adding to the conversation!
Hi there!
Just saw this post while looking for articles on young adults falling from the church for a high school research paper. I’ve come across a lot of various reasons YA are leaving the church or losing their faith (no, they’re not the same thing) and needless to say this isn’t one of the main points I’ve found so far. Yes, I can understand where it could be a big deal; I have a sister who takes college classes at 17 and she’s not very “into” the church or Bible study, but she’s still growing spiritually on her own. If a child or young adult is serious about their faith they will grow without the help of a church family, although it is helpful and I would encourage it. The three main things that I have noticed happen to be a lack of Biblical challenge (we are not giving YA the chance to learn theology, we are giving them milk and not teaching them how to get real food); secular influence in the church (the church is adopting a lot from the world instead of the other way around, they’re taking the whole “seeker sensitive” or “postmodern” thinking a bit too far in many cases); and the secrets and things we don’t talk about in the church, namely ways to be sexually pure and how to keep our faith in an increasingly worldly life.
So there’s my thoughts! Thanks so much for the article, it was great to get another person’s view. God bless!
Grace
Thanks for adding to the conversation Grace! I would only offer that the points you’ve found in your research always have to do with what the church is doing “wrong”. Going at the problem from this perspective of “What is the church doing wrong?” hasn’t gotten us very far. The problem isn’t getting better. So there must be something that is being overlooked– and I believe that it is the parenting that is taking place.
Biblically, it’s not the church’s job to raise your kids to be Godly– it’s the parent’s. The church is to come alongside the family and act as an aid. While I don’t think any of the points you’ve made are wrong– those are issues! But I think what we’re missing is calling the parents to step up as spiritual leaders themselves.
Dustin–I get where you’re coming from. But what can we be doing to encourage the parents to be raising their kids in a godly manner? I think it’s gotten to the point where the church is trying to pick up the slack. Like you said, Biblically, it is the parents’ job (Proverbs 22:6, for reference), but I don’t see many parents rising to meet the needs of their children spiritually. There are few examples in my everyday life of children, teens, and young adults who have been given the spiritual training that they needed when they were living in their parents’ home. As for myself, I was quoted Philippians 4:8-9 over and over as a child. I’ll be honest–I was a liar. I would lie because I was afraid of what the outcome would be when I told the truth–what would happen if my parents (as authority) found out that not everything I did was “true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy”? I lived in fear of that. It eventually drove me to self-harm because it was a form of punishment for my sins. I hadn’t accepted in my heart that Christ died to cover those sins and to stand in that gap because instead of seeing the gospel I saw my failure and their disappointment in me. They seemed perfect. They could live out the verse in Philippians. I was imperfect. I couldn’t. Because they were not being transparent in even a few of their struggles I felt a need to hide my own.
I don’t want it to sound like I think my parents were horrible. They were wonderful and they loved me (they still do!). But I don’t think that I got the right idea when it came to spiritual training. I felt a need to be perfect instead of rely on a perfect God. And I regret that it took so long for me to learn that lesson. I don’t really know if this is sort of a joint problem, partly my confusion and partly their training, or if it was all me, not letting myself be forgiven, but no matter what it’s given me a big heart for teens who don’t understand grace and forgiveness… back on topic, though. Sorry for the rabbit trail…
Anyway–how do you think that we can be an encouragement to parents to raise their children in the Lord? Another question I have is how do we train young adults to be prepared to raise their own children in the Lord when they missed spiritual training in their early life?