This past Sunday was our 1 year anniversary. It sounds cliche, but time really does fly. In mine and Dustin’s first year of marriage I have learned quite a few things. In this post (my first blog post ever) I want to share the three biggest things I’ve learned.
It has been a difficult, yet rewarding process discovering that I’m really selfish, I can’t expect Dustin to know what I’m thinking, and marriage is all about teamwork. These are all things that I knew (to some degree) but once I experienced them, it was a whole different story. Allow me to break them down for you…
1. I am really selfish
When I was single, my life was in order and all I had to think about was myself. I only had to make sure I was fed and cared for, plus, I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Of course, I didn’t see it as selfish. It was just the norm (especially in our society).
God had to take care of a lot of things within me and Dustin before we could even embark on our journey together, but I am realizing that it was just the beginning. It’s not about me anymore. I have my husband to consider, and he has actually become my ministry. This means that all my efforts should go into serving him to the glory of God. Talk about needing to rewire!
I have had a lot of moments of,
“I don’t really want to do this… can’t he just do it himself? If I do it for him, then he’s going to take advantage of me!”
“I’m not going apologize first because I know I’m not the one who’s wrong.”
“He’s not gonna do it so I’ll do it myself… I’ll just do everything because he’s not good at it anyway.”
Wow! What do you hear? It’s all about me, me, me! I’m so thankful that the Holy Spirit has gotten through to me in a lot of situations. I have to pause and pray against my flesh, which is so concerned for itself. The more I rebuke it, the easier it becomes to live selflessly. Granted, this is impossible if you don’t have Christ. He is the one that lives His life through us. We are selfish and ugly and He is selfless and beautiful. We have to rely on him to make us good, because he is the only good in us.
2. Dustin isn’t a mind reader
Another thing I have learned is that I can’t expect Dustin to know what I’m thinking or expect him to do things without being made aware of them.
When Dustin and I were engaged I can remember how our pastor mentioned this issue with married couples. I brushed it aside because I thought I was different and that I would never do it. Ha ha! Boy was I totally wrong.
I think women have this inherent ‘he should know‘ attitude. I don’t know why. It’s really weird actually. When I do this I am asking my husband to be God in a sense. I’m like, “you should know what I want or what I want you to do without telling you,” as if he is all knowing.
We shouldn’t put our husbands in this position because it can turn into idolatry real quick, if it already hasn’t. I have learned to communicate my feelings better and to communicate what I want. I also ask him to do things instead of expecting him to just do it. This is a work in progress of course. I still struggle with this, but I am definitely getting better.
3. Marriage is about teamwork
Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork! Seriously though, it is. It’s one of the most challenging yet awesome things in marriage. God designed us so differently yet He made us to fit together perfectly.
We have strengths and weaknesses for a reason, and being together balances it all out. Only God could think this amazingness up. I have learned that once I set myself aside and see my husband as my teammate in life we can do so much more! It’s awesome!
For instance, making the bed in the morning is so much more efficient with both of us doing it. Any task that needs to be done is easier and faster with both of us in on it.
We realize that I am good at planning and organizing, and Dustin is good at task management and technological brilliance. We keep each other on track. We are like a well oiled machine at times and it makes me realize that I am better off with my wonderful husband at my side than being single.
I am understanding more and more why God designed it this way. It just plain works better. Most importantly, marriage is symbolic of Christ and the Church, which shows that marriage should be glorifying to God. But this might be an entirely separate topic of discussion that we will leave for another time. 
If you are married, which of these can you relate to most? If you’re not married, which of these do you think you’ll look forward to most? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
I’m a single 50 year old man. I once met the love of my life at age 31. Because of my own selfishness, i wasn’t able to ask her out on a date because the time i was planning to ask her out and all was the next time i was going to see her.
You see, not understanding what true love until after the fact made me understand what true love and the soulmate connection is all about.
So, i ask of you. How does it feel when your with your husband? Do your minds act like one when your together in the same room at the same time? Can you feel each other’s presence in the room at that same moment as well? Is your love unconditional or conditional for each other?
After finally finding my soul-mate and being too selfish and hard on myself to admit it, i lost the one opportunity forever to even get to know her as a person. Oh, the only regret in life i have all these years, let me tell you!.
Yes, i’ve managed to stay single. still hope in meeting soulmate that will make me a happy man once again. No, it doesn’t mean it will be that same person but i’m hopeful that i will meet someone who shares that connection once again with me, unconditionally.
Hi Karl! Thanks so much for your reply..I’m so excited about my first blog ever and to answer your questions. When I’m with my husband I feel like I’m with my best friend. Just like with any other relationship you have to get to know each other. I think that over the years, because you know each other so well, your minds will definitely be on the same page, or you can guess what they’re thinking or gonna do next.
I don’t believe in soul-mates. The reason is that marriage itself is only symbolic to the relationship between Christ and the church. My relationship with my husband is the closest earthly bond I will have, but it doesn’t even compare to my relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who comes before ANYONE..even my husband. Only through my relationship with Jesus can I love my husband “unconditionally”…but the fact is that I will definitely fail, because I am human. I love my husband so much and even though I don’t believe in soul-mates I know that God brought us together as helpmates as God talks about in Genesis 1
Thank you for such a wonderful first post! I wish the best to you and Dustin!
Thanks Bryan!:D
Catarina, I am soooooooooo going to enjoy reading your BLOG… and to answer your question, I relate to all three plus more and that’s the ‘more’ I’m going to look for with your future BLOG. This is so good and I definitely enjoyed reading it, for the mere fact that I can relate to everything you wrote.. Keep it coming sister.. keep it coming!
Say Hello to your husband from the Martha & the family.
xoxo
Hi Martha! Thank you for replying. I know that Dustin and I have MANY more years ahead of us, and I will def be learning A LOT more things..lol. I’m so glad you enjoyed the blog and I will say hi to my hubby for you
Amazing article! I can definitely relate to the Mind Reader issue. After 21 years of marriage Barbie and I are really good with the esp but because we are not mind readers we run into trouble when we expect each other to know what the other wants or is thinking. Remembering you are not mind readers is key to learn now so that you can relish those times later when you are on the same page.
It’s so true!..thanks David! There will definitely be many more life lessons coming up, especially with baby Judah on the way
Awesome post! Congratz on 1 yr!
Thanks Brandon!
Learning these three things in year one means you are building on a fantastic foundation for many succesful & joyful years ahead. It also means you’re ready to add to your family. Love you both!
We are definitely ready to add to our family..no turning back now!..lol
Judah is on his way in a little more than a month..Thanks for the feedback Senor Dave…us Stouts miss the Flaigfam mucho <3
Hey, Rina! Great blog! Marcus and I are taking a Married Life class through our church, and the leader said the other day, “I love you” really means, “I love me and you haven’t gotten in the way of that”.
It’s so funny how selfish we are.
But I thank God that His design and plan for marriage is so much better than what I could ever come up with. I love that before I was a thought in my parents’ minds, God chose Marcus specifically for me.
His design for marriage is bigger than either spouse and having our needs met. I’m thankful that marriage is designed to glorify Him and point others to Him. So when someone says to me, “Look at ya’ll. How do you do it?” I can say, “Look at God. Without Him we couldn’t.”
God Bless!!!!
Thanks so much chicadee! I def agree with what you’re saying. Yeah there is no way that things could workout without the Lord. It would be so ugly! We miss y’all so much <3
An amazing post, thank you so much for sharing!
As a new husband, it’s really great to hear we aren’t the only ones who think about this stuff!
Thanks so much! Hopefully I can share more often:)
Congrats on the first year. The next ones fly by too
My wife and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary.
I think #1 is the one that most people can probably identify with. We’re just wired to be selfish, sinful beings, and marriage is really one of those things that stretches us and reveals to us our own selfishness. Check out “Sacred Marriage” – it’s right up that alley.
Thanks Loren!…I’m sure it flies by. Makes me just want to cherish it. That’s probably another thing that selfishness robs us of….cherishing all the goodness. When we’re so wrapped up in ourselves we can’t see anything else. Hmmm… i feel another blog coming on…lol.
Just wait until you start having kids and then youll have yourself another list
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Congrats on your first year anniversary!
Haha! Our 1st son is due Dec. 1st!
So sweet Dustin. Congratulations on your new baby. Congratulations on your one year anniversary with your lovely bride Catarina too
xox annie
That’s awesome…Congratz!
Thanks Ghislaine! Yeah that potential list is coming up real soon. Our baby Judah will be here in a month!!
Catarina you are stunningly beautiful and so is Dustin. You make an absolutely beautiful couple. I have experienced all you have said. My next marriage will include more God-like behaviour. Thanks for your wonderful comments on your marriage. I wish for you both an extremely long and happy forever marriage. I love being in the company of God loving christians. God lead me to the two of you today, what a blessing! Thanks
xox love annie!
Oh Annie that’s so cool how God will direct us to things for encouragement. I love it when he does that! It’s so refreshing. Oh and thank you for the compliments
I am realizing more and more that the closer I come to Christ the more clearly I can see how ugly I am. This continues to remind me of how much I desperately need my Lord and Savior Jesus to constantly step in and live His life through me. Marriage is a refining in the fire to the extreme for sure! God is about building character and a lot of times it doesn’t feel good, but oh how He is glorified in the outcome. Thank you for your feedback 
I love it!!!
I had been married for 1 year and 5 months, and I love my husband more today that ever! I know is God the one giving me the most wonderful adventure in my life.
I agree with you with the “mind reader” !! how true is that!
Blessings,
http://i-lovemyhusband.blogspot.com/
THat’s so wonderful to hear Patty! Thank you for reading the blog
Thank you for being open and sharing this part of yourself and your marriage. Congratulations on both the anniversary and the new baby.
I have a strong recommenation for you both (and anyone in a relationship) to read and apply the advice from the books “For Women Only” and “For Men Only” written by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn.
Both books are written with a Christian perspective using analysis of surveys of just men (used in For Women Only), and surveys of just women (used in For Men Only) to provide answers and explainations of how the opposite sex thinks and communicates. Our wiring by God is so different that what each of us thinks as common sense REALLY IS NOT COMMON SENSE within a marriage or even a relationship.
The sooner each couple gets through these books the sooner the misunderstandings can be understandings.
May God continue to bless you both as you each grow closer to Him and closer to each other in the many years to come.
JA
Thanks so much J.! I’ve actually heard of both of those books, and they’re definitely on our reading list!