This past Sunday was our 1 year anniversary. It sounds cliche, but time really does fly. In mine and Dustin’s first year of marriage I have learned quite a few things. In this post (my first blog post ever) I want to share the three biggest things I’ve learned.
It has been a difficult, yet rewarding process discovering that I’m really selfish, I can’t expect Dustin to know what I’m thinking, and marriage is all about teamwork. These are all things that I knew (to some degree) but once I experienced them, it was a whole different story. Allow me to break them down for you…
1. I am really selfish
When I was single, my life was in order and all I had to think about was myself. I only had to make sure I was fed and cared for, plus, I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Of course, I didn’t see it as selfish. It was just the norm (especially in our society).
God had to take care of a lot of things within me and Dustin before we could even embark on our journey together, but I am realizing that it was just the beginning. It’s not about me anymore. I have my husband to consider, and he has actually become my ministry. This means that all my efforts should go into serving him to the glory of God. Talk about needing to rewire!
I have had a lot of moments of,
“I don’t really want to do this… can’t he just do it himself? If I do it for him, then he’s going to take advantage of me!”
“I’m not going apologize first because I know I’m not the one who’s wrong.”
“He’s not gonna do it so I’ll do it myself… I’ll just do everything because he’s not good at it anyway.”
Wow! What do you hear? It’s all about me, me, me! I’m so thankful that the Holy Spirit has gotten through to me in a lot of situations. I have to pause and pray against my flesh, which is so concerned for itself. The more I rebuke it, the easier it becomes to live selflessly. Granted, this is impossible if you don’t have Christ. He is the one that lives His life through us. We are selfish and ugly and He is selfless and beautiful. We have to rely on him to make us good, because he is the only good in us.
2. Dustin isn’t a mind reader
Another thing I have learned is that I can’t expect Dustin to know what I’m thinking or expect him to do things without being made aware of them.
When Dustin and I were engaged I can remember how our pastor mentioned this issue with married couples. I brushed it aside because I thought I was different and that I would never do it. Ha ha! Boy was I totally wrong.
I think women have this inherent ‘he should know‘ attitude. I don’t know why. It’s really weird actually. When I do this I am asking my husband to be God in a sense. I’m like, “you should know what I want or what I want you to do without telling you,” as if he is all knowing.
We shouldn’t put our husbands in this position because it can turn into idolatry real quick, if it already hasn’t. I have learned to communicate my feelings better and to communicate what I want. I also ask him to do things instead of expecting him to just do it. This is a work in progress of course. I still struggle with this, but I am definitely getting better.
3. Marriage is about teamwork
Teamwork, teamwork, teamwork! Seriously though, it is. It’s one of the most challenging yet awesome things in marriage. God designed us so differently yet He made us to fit together perfectly.
We have strengths and weaknesses for a reason, and being together balances it all out. Only God could think this amazingness up. I have learned that once I set myself aside and see my husband as my teammate in life we can do so much more! It’s awesome!
For instance, making the bed in the morning is so much more efficient with both of us doing it. Any task that needs to be done is easier and faster with both of us in on it.
We realize that I am good at planning and organizing, and Dustin is good at task management and technological brilliance. We keep each other on track. We are like a well oiled machine at times and it makes me realize that I am better off with my wonderful husband at my side than being single.
I am understanding more and more why God designed it this way. It just plain works better. Most importantly, marriage is symbolic of Christ and the Church, which shows that marriage should be glorifying to God. But this might be an entirely separate topic of discussion that we will leave for another time.
If you are married, which of these can you relate to most? If you’re not married, which of these do you think you’ll look forward to most? You can leave a comment by clicking here.